


Hold on Tight

by Lastavica



Series: The Days Ahead [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Laura Barton, Bonfires, Canon Compliant, Clint Barton's Farm, Crying, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Home, Hope, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, One Shot, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Ronin Clint Barton, Shame, Shameless Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Trust, Understanding, moving forward, open communication, raw emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29667600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lastavica/pseuds/Lastavica
Summary: "Natasha," he'd said so quietly on Vormir. "You know what I've done. You know what I've become."But Laura didn't know. He would have to tell her.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Laura Barton
Series: The Days Ahead [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192214
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Hold on Tight

**Author's Note:**

> I assume that by the time Clint landed in the quinjet on the front yard, Laura and the kids had become apprised of everything that happened with the blip and Thanos, etc. This takes place on Clint's very first night home and reunited with his family.

"Your dad was without us for five years. Remember that." Laura reiterated to the kids during dinner. At the opposite end of the table Clint set his jaw and nodded. It was his first night home and he was miles away from ready to even start that conversation with his kids. But he was grateful to his wife for laying a groundwork. Laura felt strongly about keeping everything out in the open, making it "normal". Her hope was that it would help with the sure-to-be strange process that was ahead of all of them.

"Remember it's ok to be confused and scared and to feel angry." she told them, but her eyes were on her husband.

Clint wanted to add something, wanted to support her and parent his kids, but he wasn't there yet. He hadn't been for five years.

"Your dad has to get used to being in a family again." She used that familiar understanding tone that he hadn't heard in so long. Tears suddenly brimmed in his eyes, but he managed to keep them in control.

Lila reached over and took his hand. "We won't leave you again, Dad."

His voice caught somewhere in his throat and all he could do was squeeze her hand in return. His daughter's encouraging smile threatened to undermind his composure, but he held it together.

After dinner he and Cooper built a huge bonfire. The family sat around it late into the evening sometimes talking, sometimes not. Clint found himself shifting seats around the fire. Sometimes he had Nate in his lap, or he sat with his arm around Lila. He sat in the grass with Cooper or beside Laura, just holding her hand.

While his and his family's experience held nothing in common, they all shared the loss of Natasha. In the warm glow, Clint told his family that she had given her life for them. After noting her kids' pained expressions Laura went inside and returned with pens and paper. She encouraged them to write something to Auntie Nat. They spent some time doing this quietly. Cooper disappeared into the dark for a few minutes alone. Clint helped Nate while Lila knelt in front of a chair, using it to write on. Laura used her thigh for a surface and wrote while the fire flickered on her face. Then, one by one, each of them put their notes in the fire. Tears streamed silently down faces as they watched the embers float up into the night. No one said anything. Not even Nate had questions.

Eventually Clint carried his youngest to bed while the older two followed. After saying goodnight and lingering a little longer by their bedroom doors, Clint went back outside to the fire. He and Laura sat in silence for long time just listening to it crackle in the darkness.

"You need to know how I've spent the last five years." Clint finally said.

She looked over at him. His eyes were fixed on the fire. For a second she closed hers and took a deep breath. She didn't want to know what he was going to tell her, but not because she was afraid of what he was capable of. He was ashamed. She hadn't missed the look in his eyes. She'd seen it before. After Loki. Once he breathed the ugly truth she knew he would want to hide.

"Ok." she said. "But you have to trust how I choose to respond."

Clint closed his eyes and gave an unconvincing nod. It was good enough for her.

"After you were gone." He began slowly. "And I found out it was all random... I lost it."

He paused, leaned forward in his chair and grabbed the poker stick. Shifting the glowing coals with it, he spoke again. "I went after anyone I thought deserved it instead of you..." He glanced briefly over at her. "I killed as many as I could."

Laura reached for his hand, but he pulled away. She let him be and silence settled over them again. After some time of just staring into the flames, Laura finally spoke softly.

"Will you show me your tattoo?"

Clint got up without a word, without hesitation and pushed his sleeve up his shoulder. She rose from her seat to look at his arm.

"They taught me the sword." He whispered as her fingers trailed across the goulish artwork. Her eyes took in the ink while his desperately searched her face.

"I know you didn't ask for this." He said it so quietly.

Laura looked up at him. "Neither did you."

He looked away. She could see his jaw set tightly again. Tears welled in his eyes and reflected the firelight. She closed the space between them, gently leaning her head against his chest and wrapping her arms around him. He didn't resist and his hands moved to grip the back of her shirt. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head and let his tears fall freely into her hair. His whole body shook as he wept. Laura only held him tighter.

"Welcome home." she whispered against him.

He didn't let go.

**Author's Note:**

> And for the record I could 100% wallow in post Endgame Clint Barton angst & hurt/comfort pretty much forever at this point. *ugly crying*


End file.
